After nineteen years as a Calgary couples counsellor, I now get the desperate emails and the frantic phone calls practically all the time:
My wife cheated on me…
My husband had an affair…
Read more“After all these years of marriage, you still don’t know anything about me – do you?” Spend any time at all in the field of couples or marriage counselling and that snarled/shouted comment will, really quickly, become very familiar.
Read moreWatch any Remembrance/Memorial day service or the yearly September 11th events and, over and over again, you hear the publicly repeated vows to never forget the atrocities of terrorism that has sparked so many wars.
Read moreRead moreFrom the very moment of our births, we all seek to connect. Within seconds, we utter our first cry – and it’s a cry to be held. Our eyes seem unable to rest until they find the gaze of our parents and our hearts long to know that safe place of gentle, unconditional love.
Contrary to the delusions of most starry-eyed newlyweds, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. We’d all like to believe we have married the perfect source of emotional and sexual satisfaction embodied in a person who will grant us the freedom to be ourselves, expect little of us, support us in every way and demonstrate utter maturity and competency in every area of life – that, in addition to exuding stunning physical perfection.
Read moreDuring graduate school, one of the comments I most frequently heard from different professors was the line, “Change is a mystery.” At the time, it seemed so philosophical and wise. In retrospect, it just sounds like complete nonsense generally uttered by those who now appear to have fled the real world for the safety of teaching.
Read more“I’ve tried so hard for so many years, I don’t feel anything for him/her anymore and I really wonder if there’s anything left here. I’m just not sure my marriage is worth saving…”
If I could get a dollar for every time I’ve heard that line, well, I’d have a LOT more dollars…
Read moreIf North America has been successful at anything, it has fully achieved the goal of taking nearly every fantasy and depiction of human sexuality and, in image, written word or other means, managed to make it available for anyone to peruse.
Read moreRead moreWe all know conflict within marriage is inevitable. Two imperfect people under the same roof are bound to create sparks. Therefore, instead of trying to avoid having conflicts, it’s much wiser to learn how to have them effectively.
Usually, one partner is hurt or offended and begins with a harsh start-up to the conversation. Harsh start-ups usually begin with phrases like “you always” or “you never.” In response, the listener usually feels attacked and either becomes defensive or stonewalls, which usually creates even more tension.
Sharing. It’s a word we hear in so many contexts. Talk shows are no longer talking at us – we’re, “Sharing the conversation.” Churches are trying to stop laying down rules and invite people to, “Share,” or, “Participate in a discussion.” We don’t even post stuff anymore, we, “Share,” on Facebook.
With all these years of practice, we should all be good at communication and levels of emotional intimacy by now…
Read more